Well I'm not paralyzed...

That lyric from the Canadian band Finger Eleven's single from last year "Paralyzer".

Which will make a lot more sense when I tell you that I almost chopped off my left index finger last night.

I really thought I'd have more pregnancy things to write about, but everything has been going along so well. My back aches have mostly subsided, my feet only hurt at the end of the day, I don't have any edema. It's been great. However, I'm still a tad absentminded, and therefore should not really be handling sharp implements.

My in-laws gave us a lovely eight inch santoku-style chef's knife for Christmas, after I was caught lusting after the one they bought themselves last year. And it is a gorgeous knife. It goes through carrots like they were cheese. Smooth action, nicely balanced handle. But it still is not idiot or pregnant woman proof.

What pisses me off is that the last thing I thought before catching my finger was "I bet this would hurt like hell if I don't pay closer attention to these onions I'm chopping."

Then, WHAM!

Fortunately for me, I only cut off half of the finger nail. But as anyone who has watched a spy film knows, pulling off finger nails is a form of torture. It bled copiously, and I confess to almost passing out. Mostly because I had to wash and dress the damn thing myself.

Here's a tip (no pun intended): If you're going to do yourself unintentional injury, make sure every one around you isn't busy doing something else. Also make sure you've got more than just Dora band-aids in the house.

My husband was very concerned, of course, but he was also concerned about saving the beans and rice I was in the process of making. I quietly suggested that he might want to toss the pile of chopped onion I was working on, and start afresh. I also told him he might want to wash the knife, the counter, the floor, and anything else I may have come into contact with.

My child was mostly concerned that she didn't have a band-aid, and since Mommy had one she thought she should have one, too. Too bad for her, I was hogging all the bandages to keep from bleeding on her.

By the light of day, it doesn't look as bad as I thought. It still hurts like hell, but when I re-wrapped it this morning (with Strawberry Shortcake water-proof bandages), I realized it was just the nail, and not the finger itself that had been cut. The nail bed looks pretty crappy, but overall the injury isn't too bad, and it's seems to have stopped bleeding. It's just in sensitive place, and smarts every time I bump it.

So, if my typing seems, well...odd, forgive me. My middle finger is doing double duty today.