Friday, January 4, 2008

Friday Five

Everybody is talking about making resolutions this time of year, and I will be, too. But I'm tired of making promises I very rarely ever get to keep, either through my own stupidity or by circumstance. So, this Friday Five will be anti-resolutions.

Five Things I Will NEVER Resolve to Do

1. I will never resolve to be nicer to people.

Seriously, I'm nice enough already. To the point that I never quibble when asked to fill in for someone at the last minute, or gripe at the stupid woman with 30 items in the 12 item check-out lane, or lash out at the rotten little brats who think it's funny to throw things at passing cars. Screw 'em. They don't need me to be nice to them. Half the people in the world don't deserve my niceness, the other half already know I like them.

2. I will never, ever resolve to give up chocolate.

I can't. I gave up excessive drinking. I gave up smoking. I'll eat salads all damn day if you ask me to. But I am never going to give up a nice piece of dark Dagoba chocolate. Pry it from my cold dead hands if necessary. If I had to choose between a limb and chocolate, I might go with chocolate.

3. I will never resolve to get to a certain weight again.

It doesn't work. I know I should have goals, but setting one this specific is self-defeating. I can resolve to eat more healthy, but to do it to get to a certain weight/dress size is silly. Eating better and being more healthy overall is much more important than fitting into a size six (something I haven't done since I met my husband, so I shall lay the blame for my copious weight gain at his feet).

4. I will never resolve to spend more time at work.

Fortunately for me, I have a built in excuse coming up in just a few more months. I love the people I work with, but spending a bit more time at home over the holidays has spoiled me for wanting to be here instead of there. It might be the pregnancy, and the whole nesting instinct, but I keep finding things I want to do around here. Paint the living room, add a chair rail, plant a veggie garden this spring. Nope, I'm never going to want to spend more time at work, no matter how good it is for my career. Screw my career.

5. I will never resolve to be kinder to animals.

Now before y'all freak out, it's because I can't be any kinder to them. I feed strays, I'm nice to the neighbourhood dogs (and their owners!) even when they're out running free, I wait for squirrels and ducks and buzzards to cross the street (even when people in their cars behind me get pissed), and I always try to find the owners of wandering animals. So, I really can't be any more kinder to animals than I already am. Just can't do it. Except for frogs. Ray ran over another one of the poor little buggers a couple of days ago. But they're really hard to see when they're snuggled up to the tires at 4 a.m. (which is when Ray goes to work). So, apologies to the frogs.

Those are my five anti-resolutions, let's hear yours. I'm sure you've already decided what you are going to do this year, I want to know what you won't ever do!


bellevelma said...

My husband's family is Filipino - I will NEVER NEVER NEVER eat balut.

Kaycie said...

Those are great, Jen.

I will never, ever live on my family's farm. No matter what. They can't make me.

laurie said...

those are great, and i agree with the chocolate one.

i put my resolutions on RC's blog: i think i said i resolved to get out of bed each day and make it to my 9 a.m. job well before 10 a.m.

but what do i resolve NOT to do? that's backwards thinking, girl! i need to ponder this.

Teresa said...

Frogs in the tires? How odd! What are they escaping from? They must be teensy. I will NEVER EVER give up my morning coffee.

Jen said...

bellevelma Okay, I had to Google it. And that's really gross. I resolve never to eat balut, either. *shudder*

kaycie Aw, c'mon, why not the farm?

laurie Well, since your post is marked at 11:10 a.m., I can only assume that you're reasonably successful in getting to work on time. Unless this was the first thing you did. In that case, SHAME!

teresa Not in the tires, but behind the front passenger tire. We had some really warm weather, and then it turned bitter cold. I imagine the poor little guy was looking for some kind of shelter. This guy was bigger than the one that got squashed in the door, but still pretty little. Giving up coffee most days has been a challenge during my pregnancy. :-( I miss it.

my two cents said...

I would never give up chocolate, or ice cream for that matter.

I will never resolve to spend more time at work, either. I spend enough time there already.

I will never stop wishing I could hold one of my teenagers when they were a baby again. Every time I see a picture of them as babies I just want to reach out and hold that baby again.

Dumdad said...

Hmmm, tricky. I resolve to never say never again... I'm not sure what that means though!

Diana said...

As I've already ranted, I will never again buy an inadequate (short) shirt.

Jo Beaufoix said...

Oh, i'm with you on number 1, 3, 4 and 5. I did nmber 2 for January, but when I'm done I resolve to get me some of that chocolate. It looks amazing. :D