Friday, July 6, 2007

The Friday Five


Okay kids, gather 'round, time for another edition of the Friday Five. I'd also like to say "welcome" to all of the new people who've wandered by here this week, you are a fascinating bunch.

This week's Friday Five is....







The Five Stupidest Things Ever Said to Me (counting down, in order)



5. "Hey, let's move to Alabama."

This was said to me by an ex-boyfriend whom I thought I was going to marry. We were going to school at Western Michigan at the time, and I think the snow was getting to him. So I moved to Alabama, but he changed his mind, both about being married and moving to Alabama. I've since forgiven him...mostly.



4. "I think you've got an ear infection."

This was said to me by my family doctor in Charleston, when I went in complaining of nausea three weeks after my honeymoon. The diagnoses was based a negative pregnancy test in the office and some "redness" in my inner ear, as he called it. At the time, I was wearing headphones for four to five hours per day. Oh, and my home pregnancy test was positive.



3. "C'mon, just try and work with guy."

This was said to me by my manager at a radio station a while back. I'd been put on a morning show with the original host who didn't want a co-host and made it plain to anyone who asked. He didn't want me there, and after working with him for a bit, I didn't want to be there, either. To be fair, we had differing ideas of what my role should be, but even after management sided with me, he held firm. It ended in an ugly way, but I kept my job, at least for a while.



2. "If you use anything other than **NAME BRAND** cream on your nipples while breastfeeding, you will poison your child."

This was said to me by a nurse I affectionately named "The Boobie Nazi". The Boobie Nazi was the teacher of my breastfeeding class. She showed films that bordered on soft core porn (no I'm not a prude, even my husband was uncomfortable). She also lied to me about using this "special brand" of lanolin cream to help prevent chapping. I'm allergic to lanolin. I panicked my way through the rest of pregnancy, until a nice lactation consultant in the hospital where I gave birth confirmed my suspicions that The Boobie Nazi was stupid. She said "Oh, I know her. She's an idiot, really." And then the nice lady gave me some vitamin E capsules, and told me to feed my kid.



1. "There will be some minor discomfort."

This from every gynaecologist holding a speculum.



Okay, that's it. You can list yours in the comment section. Have a lovely weekend everyone!

PS I just found out my friend taqdeer is getting married and will no longer be blogging for my amusement. taqdeer, I've really enjoyed reading your blog and your comments here. You were one of my very first readers and you will be missed more than you know. Congratulations on your wedding, and may you and your bride have a beautiful and fruitful life together. Y'all go on over to his blog desertscape and offer your congrats to him before he vanishes for good.

19 comments:

Poetess said...

Five stupidest things. MMMmm

1. My son who is 17 refused to pick up our kittens because he is scared of sharp things. A couple of weeks later he has had a 15mm hole put through his ear and one through his lip.

2. Would you like some chocolate?
3. Keep your finger on the button until the lift stops.
4. What times dinner.
5. Mum, can you help me with my math?

Poetessxxxxxxxxxx

The Rotten Correspondent said...

ooh, so many possibilites. Let me think on this one for a bit.

taqdeer said...

Hi Jenny :) You will be missed more than you know as well. It was always a pleasure reading your very real and human blog :)

Thank you very much for the countless smiles you caused without even knowing :)

Take lots of special care :)

And really, thank you :)

Dan said...

I understand Alabama is the best place to be if you have an ear infection.

Thanks for visiting my blog Jen. Very sweet of you!

swamp witch said...

The next time I have and ear infection and someone comes at me with a speculum, I will run to Alabama, jump in a vat of Name Brand nipple cream, and ask the manager of the radio station to call you so you can rescue me.

Be sure to visit The Asylum more often.

twodrunkenminers said...

My Five:
5. "Freight hopping can't be that hard."
4. "You know what would be awesome? If we stayed drunk the entire way to Wyoming!"
3. "This is a tattoo I will never, ever regret."
2. "Sure, it's trucker speed, but they sell it over the counter. How bad can it mess you up?"
1. "Things can't possibly get any worse, right?"

Thanks for the kind words, Jen. And for writing such an entertaining blog.

-nate.

Gurnal said...

I could start with "Radio can be a lucrative profession for you"...but that would be too easy.

Let's see here...

1. "You look taller on TV" which I heard often during my TV reporting days. I responded by telling people that it was because when they watched, they were sitting down. Some of them almost bought it.

2. A TV General Manager once told me, "You'd look smarter in glasses." I don't wear glasses.

3. When talking to a class about my work at a news radio station and what I do at a news radio station, one of the kids asked me, "What kind of music do you play?" No joke.


4. It's not that far from Memphis to Charleston, is it?

5. This last one I said to myself. "Maybe I'll try this relationship again."

Oh well...

Jen said...

Gurnal, have I ever mentioned that you are my Eyeore?

You guys, as always, are awesome.

taqdeer, thanks for stopping by one last time.

poetess, who wouldn't like some chocolate?

RC, if you're like me, you'll have trouble whittling down the list.

Dan and swamp witch, thanks for stopping by here, I've enjoyed visiting your blogs!

And Nate, your artwork usually makes me chuckle and always makes me think, so if you guys haven't clicked over there yet, you should. It's good stuff. And just how hard is freight hopping?

The Rotten Correspondent said...

here goes...(you're right, this took a lot of whittling).

#1. "There's lots of jobs out there for people with Communications degrees".

#2. "You'll never be able to get pregnant again without fertility treatments". This from my OB after my second kid. Sixteen and a half months later...

#3. "Her? Oh, we're just friends". From more than one man in my life, unfortunately

#4. "You can't be in the medical field unless you're really good at math". Well, that certainly talked me out of med school. You're much more suggestible in High School.

#5. "Labor just feels like really bad cramps". Uh, no. No. It. Doesn't.

auntie barbie said...

Ok, here ya go,

1. "Lets get a cow". Stupid because I would have to take care of it & then I would get so attached I couldn't send it off to slaughter.
2. "Your daughters are so little, don't you feed them". No you idiot I let them go dumpster jumping for their dinner.
3. "Rubbing cocoa butter on your belly will stop stretch marks". Not if you gain 75lbs. during pregnancy it won't.
4. "Drinking wine coolers won't mess you up". If you drink enough of them they will.
5. "I only had 2 beers" This from my daughter after her friends carried her into the house because she couldn't walk.

Jo Beaufoix said...

Jen, I did this last night but I must have done something odd as it's not here.

Derrr.

So here are mine again. I think I can remember them.

1. It's not that bad. I enjoyed all 3 of mine...

That was a mate from Uni talking to 9 months pregnant me about childbirth.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Why do they lie RC?

2. You are not going out of this door wearing that.

My dad to 17 year old me in tiny skirt, stripey tights and Doc Martens.
You'd think he'd have already learnt not to say stuff like that as I have an older sister.
But no.

3. You cannot have any more electricity until you go to church.

Sorry dad, you again.
I was 16. I sat in the dark giggling to myself till he came back in 2 minutes later and mumbled a sheepish, "Sorry."

4. Have you been playing with this?

Dad, you've scored a hat trick.
He was talking about my radiator.
Again I was 16. There were two of my friends in the room.
It was especially funny as there was a character on a comedy Programme called The Mary Whitehouse Experience who talked about daft things dads do, and this was one of them.
My mates couldn't believe that my dad really was 'radiator man'.

I love my dad. But I think he just didn't know how to handle teenage girls.

5. Do you want to see your placenta?
Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

After a 2 day labour I just want to see my baby and my pillow.

I'm wondering if I messed up my comment yesterday as I decided to add my ostrich to my profile. But see how cute she is. I love her.

Princess Banter said...

LOL found myself laughing so hard whilst reading it. Love the last one too... kinda like my pediatrician as a kid when he'd say "it's just like a little ant biting you" whilst holding the biggest syringe I've ever seen in my life. Right.. an ant on steroids, you mean!

Dew said...

Hi. I just started reading this blog. And I found it so funny! lol. will def visit gain soon:)

PS now im dreading visiting the gynae!

Jen said...

Hi princess, Hi Dew, thanks for stopping by. Goodness, so many people here, it's like a party!

auntie barbie, I'm pretty sure I know who said "Let's get a cow"...and I also know which daughter drank only "two beers", although knowing her, it may only have been two. And you're right about the cocoa butter. Someone told me that, too, and I'd like to punch them.

RC, someone told me that about labour, as well. And if they mean drives-you-to-your-knees-in-gasping-pain cramps, then yes, I suppose they could be right.

Hey Jo, I'm glad your comment made it through, wouldn't be the same without you! "No electricity until you go to church" almost made me spit coffee on my monitor. That and the placenta. They offered to set me up a mirrror while I was in labour so I could see when I gave birth. My answer was much they same as yours...

J~

Jen said...

And Jo, I love your ostrich. If auntie barbie gets a cow, and I get a goat, then we can all have a little petting zoo!!

twodrunkenminers said...

Hey Jen - I found grabbing the train easy, but the actual "getting on the train" part hard. Last time I did it, I managed to touch on of the wheels with my foot, which ate away half of my shoe and (luckily)only part of my big toe.

My grandfather, who was a brakeman on a train for 20 years, then told me every gruesome story he could think of involving trains and various manglings, decapitations, and incapacitations as a punishment.

Thanks for the link. I'm honored to be able to do the same.

Willowtree said...

If it wasn't for years of substance abuse, I'm sure I'd be able to remember some stupid things that were said to me. Oh well...

Jen said...

In honour of willowtree, the next Friday Five is substances I should never put in my body again...*grin* Or maybe not.

Sam said...

Good stuff there, Jen. By the way, Let me welcome you to the League of Savannah Bloggers. So far, there's only two of us, but I like to keep it tight knit. By the way as your initiation, you have ben tagged with a meme. Details on my page. Good luck!