Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Invisble airwaves, crackle with life

An Open Letter to All Radio Listeners

Dear Radio Listener,

I have a few things I need to discuss with you in order for us to have a pleasant working relationship.

First, I know change can be hard. I'm sorry the guy that "always" plays your requests is on vacation, and that I'm the one filling in for him. If I don't get your request on the minute you ask for it, there's no reason to become abusive. Because if you do become abusive, I just won't play your song. Tough titty. And also, please don't request songs you know damn well we don't play. I will not play Amy Winehouse "Rehab" on a Classic Rock station.

Secondly, I know there hasn't been a female jock on this station in a while, and though it's always nice to hear a raspy voice on the other end of the phone telling me how much you'd like to have me on the back of your pick-up truck, calling once an hour is more than enough. Six times an hour is excessive. Please arrange a schedule with other listeners so I only need to deal with one of you at a time. I will endeavour to have my picture placed on the website. If you actually knew what I looked like you might not be so quick to call.

Lastly, if you don't know the answer to whatever trivia question it is I'm asking, please don't call in for the contest. Even though you need to be caller nine, you still need to answer the question as well. I only have four minutes to get caller nine, record caller nine, and then put caller nine's information into the computer. If I have to take caller nine through fifteen, of people hemming and hawing, and saying "Hell, I dunno the answer, I just wanted to be caller nine", no one ends up winning, and I get very cross.

I think by following these rules, everyone's radio experience will be more pleasant. If you do not follow these rules, you FAIL at radio, and I would thank you to turn in your listener card.


Jen, the Fill-in Chick


mjd said...

I guess that the DJ business, although glamorous, has its downside.

bellevelma said...

Well, what'd you expect? You get your hair colored all pretty and the guys start calling... Anyway, I have a request. Will you play Freebird? Right now? I can't hear it from here, but still...

Dad said...

You always knew it would be like this. While you reflect play "Turn the Page" by Bob Seger.

jillian said...

Nevermind freebird... I wanna hear snowbird - by Anne Murray!

jillian said...

did I say snow bird? I meant songbird... shows how much I listen to anne murray... *shakes head in shame*

Dumdad said...

Classic Radio station? I'm envious! Request: please play something, anything by the great Paul Rodgers. All Right Now is his most famous from his Free days but he's written and sung many wonderful songs. Feel Like Making Love from his Bad Company days is always worth a spin.
I'm sorry I can't tune into your station from The Other Side of Paris.

The Rotten Correspondent said...

You tell 'em, Jen. Are people really that rude? Seriously? Play the Bay City Rollers for them - that'll shut 'em up.

And I want to hear more radio stories. I have a hunch that you have some great ones. I'll trade you television tales...


Jen said...

mjd, you have no idea how much I wish this job was glamorous. I suppose it is in bigger cities, but usually it's just a lone DJ, sitting in a tiny room, with AC that doesn't work, and a computer that occasionally crashes sending a station off the air. Not glamorous, but it really is, generally a lot of fun!

bellevelma I'll refer you to the part in my post where I said I'd put my picture up. That should discourage some of those calls :-P As for Freebird, I played three Skynyrd songs in four hours. Thankfully, none were Freebird.

Dad I actually played Seger during our lunch time request show. Someone else requested it, too.

Jill I will never work for a station that plays Anne Murray. I worked for a station that played Captain and Tenille, that was enough.

dumdad I played some Free during the lunch hour, it's a pity we don't stream online, otherwise you might've heard it. I said it was a request "via e-mail".

RC I promise, more radio tales to come, including the elevator fire, the half naked woman on the board, and the autistic guy who loved Burton Cummings.

Today was actually a really good day. I had a bunch of great winners, and played some kickass music. Today was a day that made me love my job!

Dad said...

It wasn't a request, just a reminder.

Anonymous said...

"If you actually knew what I looked like you might not be so quick to call." ?? I believe you greatly underestimate your appeal, my friend; but then again, I always kinda liked Anne Murray, too.

Jo Beaufoix said...

Jen you are so funny.
And I can't believe people just phone up to be caller nine when they don't know the answer.
That's so sad.

Or that they're so arsey about when you play their record.

I'd put this post on your website, sounds like those listeners truly need educating.

(Can I have Amy Winehouse Rehab though, pleeeeeeeeeeeease, and at 6.07am, with a dedication to Marg Simpson and her blue hair?)

willowtree said...

Hey dumdad, I saw Free in concert with Deep Purple and Manfred Mann's Earth Bands, great show!

Now for my request, well I don't really care what you play so long as you take your bra off while you play it. (Hmm, did I really write that? I meant to just think it!)

You have nailed my number one pet peeve!! Why do these morons call a contest line when the don't know the damn answer!?!?!

Gurnal said...

I'm sorry I got in so late on this one. While I have my own radio rules for people...first and foremost:

There are two times you should never call a news radio station.
1. At the top of the hour
2. At the bottom of the hour

*Only exception: If the world is ending. Then we'll put you straight on the air.

I must remind all you borderline stalkers out kind to Jen. She's doing you a favor playing all your Classic Rock favorites. If you want anything else...get an iPod.

If I hear you're harrassing Jen. I'll find you....and kill you....and tell people at the top of the hour that someone else did it.

Next news when it breaks.