For some reason, I'm grumpy this morning, which is probably why this is late. I don't know if I didn't get enough sleep, enough food, or enough whatever. Maybe I've had too much whatever. Either way, it's a snarky post. Snarkalicious, even.
Deal with it.
Five Halloween Treats I Hope We Don't See Next Year
You know the ones I'm talking about. They're rock hard and taste vaguely of peanut butter, and are always wrapped in black or orange waxed paper. They're hideous, and I've yet to meet a child or an adult who likes them. I don't even see them in the stores anymore, so where the hell are you people getting them? I have a suspicion that they're a little like the fruitcake of Halloween. Someone out there hoards these hideous taffys for years, and then just passes them on to other unsuspecting trick or treaters.
2. Petrified Raisins
I know you're trying to protect my children's health and my children's teeth by giving them a "healthy" snack. However, when the raisins are rock hard, and taste like the little box they come in, you aren't helping anyone. If my child breaks a tooth on one, I may have to come back to your house to help cover the dental costs.
3. McDonald's Gift Certificates
Most of these are worth about what, a buck? Which means I have to take my child to Mickey D's and shell out money in order for her to use this. Seriously, why did you spend money on the coupon book? Would you like someone to toss some Chicken McNuggets in your treat bag?
4. Religious Tracts
Some guy tried to make my kid promise to read his tract or he wouldn't give her candy. I'm cool if you don't like Halloween. I'm cool with your right to practice your religion. But don't gussy up your house for Halloween, and then hand out tracts to kids telling them they're all going to hell because they're out trick or treating. It's false advertising. How would you like it if a group of Hindus put up a bunch of signs advertising a tent revival and started giving your kids tracts trying to convert them to worship Shiva? Honestly, just give it up already.
I know you grannies mean well, but pennies don't do much for kids anymore. TFYO is still excited about any form of money, but only because she likes to count it and add it, not spend it. Not yet, anyway. But I know those older kids are thinking, "Swell, Grandma. What the hell am I supposed to buy with this?" Well, the answer is, "Nothing, kid." Not a thing. Unless you want to save them all up for the next ten years. Then you might be able to afford a gumball.
Okay, that's it in all it's snarky, grumpy glory. I'm going to give in and get myself a cup of coffee now before I do harm to someone. Have a good weekend. No really, I mean that.