Thursday, September 20, 2007

Jive Turkey


I got busted on Wednesday.

For looking at turkeys.

You see, it was really all very innocent.

I always take the back roads to take TFYO to school, because then I avoid most of the school bus routes. The roads are paved, but not marked. It's mostly farm land and trailers, very quiet, very little traffic. It's perfect.


So, I was winding my way back home from dropping off TFYO, past the local peanut farm, when I saw a small head poke out of the grass alongside the road about 30 feet or so in front of my car. I slowed down, thinking it was someone's cat or dog, since they all let them run loose here.

Imagine my surprise when a wild turkey emerged. Followed by another. Then another. Ten turkeys all told parading across this little country lane. Naturally, I stopped the car, since I'd already almost collided with a deer last week. I didn't think a bunch of turkeys would do my little station wagon any better.

And it was kind of fun watching them. I'd never seen wild turkeys up close before, so I just pulled over to the side, and watched them pick their way into the grass on the other side of the road. They're quite dumb, really. You'd think they would have run away from my car. I could have had a gun.

But I suppose they were clever enough, as they did scatter quickly when a car carrying a man with a gun pulled up behind me.

I looked in my rear view mirror, and there was an Effingham County sheriff's deputy walking up to my car, hand on his pistol.

I rolled down the window.


"Hands on the wheel, please, ma'am."

I complied.

"Are you okay, ma'am?"

"Um, yes, sir."

"Can I ask why you're stopped here?"

"I was just looking."

"Looking?"

"At...turkeys, sir." I scrunched up my eyes, not wanting to look at him.

"Turkeys. Where are they now?"

"They scattered when you drove up. There's a couple over there."

"Turkeys." I looked at him out of the corner of my eye, and he had his head in his hand. He shook his head.

"Ma'am, please remember to use your four-way flashers next time you stop." He started to walk back to his car. And I called after him.

"Don't you want to see my license or registration or anything?"


He waved his hand over his shoulder, and just kept shaking his head, trudging slowly back to his cruiser. I felt bad for him. He probably thought he'd found a mobile meth lab, or a prostitution ring among the peanuts, or at the very least a stolen mom-mobile.

But instead he found me, the stupid Yankee woman who'd never seen wild turkeys before. I imagine it was probably a rough day back at the station for him that afternoon.

11 comments:

Willowtree said...

Hmmm, this story is just chock full of turkeys.

my two cents said...

I love this story! I love that you have quiet roads to drive on. Sounds wonderful.

Poetess said...

Are you familiar with the

Why did the chicken Cross the Road jokes?


Amusing post.

Poetessxxx

auntie barbie said...

Seems our family is prone to “turkey” encounters. Too bad TFYO wasn’t there to see them. Seems that they like our woods and they are always roaming around the back, which drives Shelby nuts. They really are a funny sight running away as fast as they can just like cartoon characters. It’s amazing how tall they are when running. Ron refers to them as the baby ostriches.
I must admit that I do the same thing here all the time. I’m always stopping in the middle of the road or pulling over to let some critter cross or just to watch. I’ve never had a cop pull over, but I did have a local yell at me for blocking the road to let the biggest snapping turtle I’ve ever seen finish crossing. Actually, the reason I was there so long was because I was weighing the pros and cons of wrestling him into my truck to take home to our creek. After I figured out that his shell was bigger than my steering wheel and his head about the size of my fist I cam to the conclusion that this was a bad idea

Jo Beaufoix said...

Hee hee Jen. Caught in the act.

The whole 'put your hands on the wheel' part seemed a bit heavy, but I suppose we have a lot less guns over here??

I have never seen a wild turkey.
I have only occasionally seen a 'domestic'?? turkey.
I think they're a bit freaky looking, but I suppose they'd probably say the same about me.

Dad said...

Stupid Yankee Woman?

Woman, yes. Stupid, no. Yankee, not exactly since some of your ancestors were some of the first colonists in the Jamestown colony nearly 400 years ago. (Just a father's observation)

Jen said...

willowtree And I'm the biggest turkey of the bunch.

my two cents It is wonderful. It's my quiet time before the day gets going.

Poetess I'm wondering if there's any "Why did the turkey cross the road?" jokes.

auntie barbie What is it with you and the wildlife? I remember your turkey. I'm glad you left the turtle alone. I imagine your fingers are glad, too.

Jo I think the deputy was going just a little Barney Fife on me. It's not uncommon.

Dad That was my impression of his impression of me. I don't sound southern, therefore I must be a Yankee. And I stopped in the road to look at turkeys. Stupid would have been charitable on his part.

Mya said...

Great story. Makes me feel a bit guilty about turkey sandwiches...

Mya x

The Rotten Correspondent said...

His day could've been much worse. He could've run you in...

The first time I saw wild turkeys I thought I was losing my mind. You just don't see turkeys in LA. Well, not that kind anyway.

Dumdad said...

Great yarn. Glad you didn't really get busted for gazing at turkeys.

Diana said...

You'd love it up here. Lots of wild turkes to watch. They're huge and usually shy but I've seen a flock of them very cocky in a yard with the family looking at them with concern out the front window, not daring to go out.