Wednesday, September 5, 2007

Take us forever, a whisper to a scream

With thanks to Icicle Works for the lyric.

There is nothing worse than having a cold when you're pregnant. Except losing your voice when you work in radio. So having both happen at the same time kind of sucks. But it also helps, especially since I couldn't think of anything else to blog about.

Diana over at Piffle recently had a cold and lost her voice. I know I didn't catch it from her (that would be a great trick!), but I certainly feel even more sympathy for her now.

Why is it that everyone in the world wants to call your phone when you have no voice? I started out with a squeak this morning, but by the time I got done talking to family, friends, people at work wondering where I was...I was left with a whisper. And people were asking me what was wrong with my voice.

And I've discovered that both children and animals know that this is a weakness and go out of their way to do things they shouldn't do, because how threatening is a woman in her bunny slippers screaming in a whisper?

Cat scratches the sofa (again).

"Zoe, knock that off!" She looks at me quizzically, and picks just a couple more times at an errant thread to see if I'm serious. And then I find myself whispering, "Damn it, your hearing is better than mine! I know you heard me!" Normally, she'll take off and run around the house like a mad cat when I scold her for clawing the furniture when she has not one, but TWO perfectly good scratching posts. Today, I got a slow blink, a yawn and a stretch, and a casual saunter into my bedroom. You think they've settled in?

TFYO yesterday afternoon.

I'm trying to sort out dinner and her homework and trying to clear the detritus that inevitably collects on our kitchen table. And she immediately runs back to the office and hops on the computer for her favourite activity of typing random words in Notepad, which she knows she is not supposed to do without permission.

"TFYO! Get off the computer, you know you're not supposed to be on there!"

At least, that's what I meant to say. It came out more like "Hiss, hisss, scrtich, hiss, damn it, ow!"

She can't hear me, and my husband chuckles quietly.

They're all against me.

I think I may resort to writing in LARGE letters with a Sharpie marker on brightly coloured index cards. It would make for great conversation. Kind of like Wile E. Coyote. Given the way the last couple of days have gone, I'd probably be using "Yipe!" "Help!" and "Suuuuuuper Genius", a lot. I'd also have one for "Vanilla Chai please", "No, I don't know what happened to that production order" and "Can I please just go to the bathroom by myself for once".

For a person like me who talks for a living, this is murder. It's torture. It''s...listening to Britney Spears.


Dad said...

At least you don't sound like Darth Vader.....

my two cents said...

RC used to say, when our kids were young, that they were like wild animals: they could smell weakness and they preyed on it. It was true. Hope you are feeling better soon!

Jen said...

Dad I don't sound like Darth Vader because I don't sound like anything now. It got worse after I talked to you yesterday.

my two cents Physically, I actually feel pretty good. I just have this pesky thing of not being able to make sound come out of my mouth. And you're right, kids and animals both smell fear and weakness. LOL

bellevelma said...

Britney Spears before or after she lost her mind. Because I kind of liked "Oops I did it again!" I know I shouldn't admit that but it's true.

Hope you get your voice back soon!

The Rotten Correspondent said...

Well, I'd have to say you're not having your best week, are you? It might be time to work out some universal hand signals with TFYO ("stop", "if you do that again you're grounded until college" and "did you hear what I, uh, signaled, young lady??"). Won't help much with the job though. When your co-workers ask for paperwork you've already given them can't you just give them the universal hand signal? You know, the one fingered one. said...

Try hand signals. The cat may not get it when you make a breaking signal and point but you'll feel better and there's no strain on the voice.

Mya said...

My husband LOVES it when I lose my voice. He goads me. Tries to get me to respond, the bugger. I have to say, I adopt the one fingered salute method of communication advocated by RC.

Hope it comes back soon - drink lots of water.

Mya x

IngeniousRose said...

Oh my goodness, I really understand the problem of losing your voice when you work in radio. I read the news on radio for a while and freqently lost my voice due to the cold weather. Anyone would think I had deliberately decided to get ill by the 'pissed off' reaction of others!

That's the first time I've seen Britney mentioned in a blog for a while! I have to admit I used to be a fan!

Jo Beaufoix said...

Oh Jen you're all poorly and you still came to visit.
Hope you feel better soon hon.

I'm with Mya on the one fingered salute for husbands who gang up on sick wives, but how you manage at work I have no idea.

Do you just play loads of records, or do they let you stay at home?

Chloe(?) and Zoe sound very settled.

I miss cats.

Get well soon sweetie. I'll send you something nice on facebook.

Code word, otaswd.
Do you name anybody called Otis? Well he 'would', anyway.

Diana said...

Oh, NO! I'm so, so sorry. At least I've been able to drug myself with the best science has to offer. When you're pregnant all you get is tea and tylenol, basically.

May your fighting voice find you again, quickly. Me? Mine's still pretty much gone, the pest are running all over me, but the kids are being good. I've got the finger-snaps of command down. Plus, I don't have to let the dog out as I can't holler to have her come in, so one of the kids gets to do that little chore!

Feel better, soon!!!

JRH said...

"Normally, she'll take off and run around the house like a mad cat when I scold her..."
Wow, I've never had a cat that paid any attention to anything I said. It's like that old joke-

Now Fido, you know you're not suppose to piddle on the carpet! Bad doggie, Fido, bad doggie!


Now Fluffy, you know you're not suppose to scratch the couch! Bad kitty, Fluffy, bad kittie!


Anyway, I hope you're recuperating and feeling better by now. Take care of yourself!!

willowtree said...

I hope you are starting to feel better by now.

Jen said...

I actually sound a bit like Demi Moore today. I told the production director that if he had any strip club spots needing to be voiced, today was the day to do it.

Sorry no post today, more about that tomorrow.

And thanks everyone for stopping by!

The one fingered salute did get a bit of a workout, I admit. My husband stopped laughing though, when I coughed halfway through the night and kept him up. Serves him right.

mjd said...

Oh, I am sorry that you have a cold. I remember chewing on Hall's Mentho-lyptus cough drps when I was pregnant in 1973 because I was afraid to take cold medicine. I hate the taste of Hall's to this day.

Take care. I hope that your voice comes back soon.