God Save the King

My husband is a nice guy, especially when it comes to kids. He finds it very difficult to turn away from even the most annoying children, something The-Four-Year-Old has no problem doing (she does it to me on a regular basis). So, I was mildly surprised when he told me he actually walked away from a child at the library the other day.

Ray and TFYO had gone to return some books and pick up a few more, when a five-year-old (who is about to turn six) named Abby, with an accent reminiscent of sweet tea, accosted them in the children's book area. To be fair, TFYO opened the door to it, by saying "Hi, what's your name?" which led to an ongoing monologue....

Abby: "Oh, hi, mynameisabbyI'mfivebutI'mgoingtobesixnextmonthandIreallylikebooksdon'tyoulikebooksyoumustifyou'reinthelibrary...."

TFYO looked for a minute with her mouth hanging open and proceeded to try and find a book to put between her and Abby. It just happened to be a Dr. Seuss. The monologue switched gears.

Abby: Oh, I love Dr. Seuss. Y'know he's dead. It's sad that he's dead (pronounce day-ed). He can't write no more books. Just like Elvis. Elvis is dead, too. He died before I was even borned, but he made real good music, I love listening to Elvis, don't you love listening to Elvis?

At this point, I would have told the kid that Elvis wasn't dead, he was living in a retirement community and battling mummies (see: Bubba Ho-Tep, 2002), but my husband, being the sweet guy he is, nodded politely and tried to get a word in edgewise.

"Well, yes, Elvis is dead and made good music, too. Does your Mom listen to Elvis?"

"Oh, no, Mama doesn't listen to Elvis, my Nana does, though, all the time in the car and likes to sing."

"Are you here with your Nana or your Mama?"

"Oh, no, Mama's at work, don't know where Daddy is, Nana is here somewhere, I guess she's reading a magazine. What kind of music do youlistentodoyouhaveanymorekidsdoyouwantsomemoredoyouhaveawifemymammaisrealnicey'know...."

And my husband finally couldn't take anymore. TFYO had already moved to the other end of the room, and he followed her. Abby tried to follow, too. And I know he felt bad, I know he realized this child didn't have anyone, but the constant chatter began to grind on him. He took TFYO and turned a corner into the biographies and never looked back. Well, that's not true. He did go back to make sure that Abby's Nana came back for her, but kept a safe distance while Abby regaled the librarian on the merits of the public library, and how they have lots of booksthatyoucantakeoutandtwocopiesofeverybookandherschoollibrarydoesn'thavethat....