Friday Five, Back on the Chain Gang

Last week, I was all positive and happy, a regular Mary Poppins, about work. This week, we will take a look at the darker side. I'd like to add that most of these jobs were held in my teens and early twenties when I was just looking to make some cash, so if it seems like I've held a lot of jobs, keep that in mind....

Five Worst Jobs I've Ever Held

1. Car Wash Attendant

I was fifteen and this was my first job. My boyfriend at the time got me in here. My job was to towel off cars as they came out of the "touchless" car wash. Doesn't sound too bad, right? Well, this was in Michigan. In the middle of winter. I convinced the owner it would be a good idea to wear gloves, but he still wouldn't let us wear winter coats. We had these flimsy windbreakers with the car wash logo on the front. I used to wear every sweatshirt I had under that thing. My gloves would often freeze to the towels I was using. I would get ice crystals in my hair from the mist as is it froze coming out of the car wash. I quit.

2. Shirt Laundry, Body Presser

I started this job in the summer. It was incredibly hot. My job as body presser was to operate a machine that pressed shirts. It had two mannequin forms that would slide in and out of a giant steam press. While one was being pressed, I had to take a shirt off the form that was out, hang it up, put another shirt on, button two buttons, and hit the clamp all before the shirt being pressed was done and came out. The forms all had metal tops where the shirt collars would sit, and those little buggers got incredibly hot. I still have burn scars on my wrists from brushing that scorching metal. I actually got pretty good, and fast. But the building had no heat, and as winter came, moving from the moist heat of the press to the back of the store where there was no heat set me up for some sinus infections. I'd call in sick, then come back, and get sick again. I finally got pneumonia, and was fired.

3. Recycling plant, "Bottle Sorter"

I got this job from a temp agency, not the same one that assigned me to K-Mart. K-Mart came after this. I was told the job would be "sorting clean bottles for recycling". I was lied to. When I got there, I was handed a shovel, ear plugs, a hard hat, goggle and work gloves. I got to shovel up labels that fell out of the machine that pulled the labels off of the bottles. Now, in my mind, it would make more sense to come up with a more efficient machine that didn't rain labels and water on all those working below. But I suppose it was cheaper to hire someone at eight dollars and hour to slog through two-inch deep water while filling a wheelbarrow every half hour. I did eventually get a turn sorting bottles, which were NOT clean. The things people will put in glass and plastic bottles is beyond me. The hours were also crappy, we worked a twelve hour shift for three days, then were were off for two days. I made it through one three day cycle, and at the end of day three I turned in my gear and quit. I was told it would be considered job abandonment and that I wouldn't get paid, I told them to take it up with the EEOC.

4. Victoria's Secret, sales clerk

Last week I told you I worked for Frederick's of Hollywood, this job is why. I was sixteen, and it seemed kind of cool to work at the mall. But I was appalled at the training. We were told to only actively help women who looked like they had money, and who were obviously the same size as our products. We were actually trained to look for high-end handbags and shoes. Now, perhaps this is not a company-wide policy, but it certainly was of my manager. I got rapped several times for helping women, who in my manager's words, looked like "trailer-trash". Never mind the fact that I got them to buy something, I was "wasting my good time" on people who wouldn't become regular customers. It violated my sense of justice to have to make bigger women feel less pretty because we wouldn't carry something in their size. I quit after just two weeks.

5. Administrative assistant, for a Christian Clothing Company

I won't reveal the name of this company, but they were located in Tuscaloosa, AL. They are now out of business. I got hired on as a customer service representative. I was looking for steady work after being dumped in Alabama by my then boyfriend, and this looked promising. It was close to where I lived, and the people seemed nice. They were, by all accounts, evangelicals. The company made t-shirts to be used as witnessing tools. Some were even kind of clever. I was eventually promoted to be the assistant of one of the VP's. It was a small company, and my boss seemed really nice at first. I was still getting religious tracts telling me I was going to hell because I was attending an Episcopal church, but I just put it down to job risk, and I was also making more money. Eventually, though, I realized my boss who espoused "Christian virtues" was apparently carrying on with the company president. And she was very unstable. She'd frequently sit in her office closet and cry. She once threw a vase at me. And then had me do her son's homework for him. And then couldn't understand why I was part of a mass exodus from the company.

Okay, those are my five. I'll be giving out awards tomorrow! Have a great weekend, y'all!