Monday, August 27, 2007

Sign, sign, everywhere a sign...

**WARNING** This post contains irreverent humour. If you're sensitive about your faith, stop reading now.

Living in south Georgia, you can't really get away from religion. Don't get me wrong, it's pretty pluralistic down here, generally. Savannah is even home to one of the oldest Jewish communities in the South ( I think we're just behind Charleston, SC). I am, however, firmly agnostic. I don't bear any grudge to anyone who is religious. I believe in something higher than me, I'm just not sure what it is. I have great admiration for people who do, no matter what faith they practice.

But living here means that everywhere you go, there seems to be a church. Not just a couple, but dozens. Take Guyton, Georgia, for example. The town, itself, is tiny. Maybe a few hundred people live in the "city" limits. But there are five churches. And if you drive a little ways out of town on either Hwy. 17 or Hwy 119, you'll find about a dozen more before you come to a town. It's the same regardless of where you are in the South.

And almost every single one has a lighted message board, with a clever church related phrase. I think this is a relatively new phenomenon. I don't remember this growing up in Canada, and I also don't really remember it when I was living in Michigan, but they are all over the place down here.

It's been ridiculously hot down here the past few weeks, and here is a sampling of some of the messages we've seen this week:

From a Baptist Church: "If you think it's hot here...."

From a Church of Christ: "Can't stand the heat? Better get Jesus in your life!"

From another Baptist church: "If you think it's hot here, you better think about where you could be going."

From a Church of God: "Let the heat now remind you of what's to come if you don't live right."

From a United Methodist Church: "This Sunday how to cope with resentment."

From the only Catholic Church in town "Gossip hurts everyone."

My favorite by far, though, is from another Baptist church that I drive by frequently on my way to work.

"SS Picnic this Saturday"

Now before y'all freak out and think we have Nazis in Georgia (I hate Georgia Nazis), I'm pretty sure they meant "Sunday School Picnic". I'm hoping that they just didn't have enough letters to complete the sign. Of course, this is the same church that had a sign a few weeks ago that said "Ice Cream Social and Gospel Sing, next Thursday". Which prompted my husband to say to me "Do you like your religion with nuts, or without?"

So I got to thinking, that maybe there's a book of phrases that churches use to come up with something for their message boards each week.

I couldn't find any legitimate ones online, but I did find this:

Church Sign Generator

And I made this:

It's irreverent, I know.

Oh, and a quick note, we've been having modem issues. It keeps disconnecting itself. So, I may not be posting every morning, it may be later in the afternoon. Sorry about that.


Robot Lord of Tokyo said...

The best church sign that I've recently seen:
"This church has prayer conditioning"

The Rotten Correspondent said...

I love your church sign. At least you know you have something to fall back on if you ever get tired of the radio biz.

I will always remember my California/Hawaii/Arizona raised husband the first time he came with me to Alabama. All the churches were just as you describe, with the lit arrows pointing the way in. Quite a lot of them were trailers.He took a good look and asked "Are these churches or beer stores?"

code - bgcrdn big creatin?? said...

Well done Jen. The funniest one I have ever seen said "Walmart is not the only saving place."

Jo Beaufoix said...

Oh my Lord these are so funny.
Most UK churches don't seem to have these signs.

Yours is by far the best though Jen.

The power of blog is indeed a sight to behold.

aldmcqzlv - hold my quiz love??

JRH said...

Funny! I think those signs a southern thing, but nothing particularly new.

A sign seen posted on a fence:
"No Trespassing! Violators will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law."
(signed) Sisters of Mercy

Did you hear about the dyslexic atheist? He doesn't believe in dog.

Jen said...

RLOT That's funny you say that, the local Missionary Baptist Church just put that one up!

RC I defintitely think it's a southern thing, and when I moved south I was a bit confused by it, too. While the little trailers with the beer signs are interesting, I've always been fascinated by the whole "Jesus Dome" thing, where you've got a church that seats up to ten thousand people. Big creatin? Sounds like what you do every day!

MikeI'm convinced that there really is a book somewhere with these sayings, because I've seen that one before, too. It was at a non-denominational church in Raleigh, NC.

Jo, maybe you can be the first to bring the trend to the UK! You could become a door to door church sign sales woman!

jrhLOL, doesn't believe in "dog". An oldie but a goodie. ;-)

my two cents said...

I hope I haven't missed out on the fun today! I guess I'm late to the party though since you've already posted again...I read this today at work (in a weak moment) and thought how funny it was all day. There are plenty of churches around here, most with signs, but I don't think too many of them light up. Anyway, after work I had a lot of driving around of kids to do, and passed a church with a sign that read: When your ship comes in, dont' be at the airport. Ok.

I think this whole word verification thing is just someone typing with their fingers off the keys. Some times when I've got my fingers all over one key what I type looks very similar!

Willowtree said...

I don't have anything to say about the post other than to thank the Five Man Electrical Band for the title.

JRH said...

An oldie but a goodie. Were you referring to the joke or to me? Just wondering.

ciara said...

hi-came by way of r.c.'s blog. found this post funny. i, too, am agnostic-except i have more of an atheist leaning lol whenever we would visit my gma in bama we would have to go to church. first sunday school cuz she was one of the teachers, then the sermon. i've been to a cpl of other churches (born n raised catholic) but found it wasn't for me. one day when we lived in washington state, a cpl of church ladies from the baptist church my bro and i went to, came to our house to talk w my parents...however, as soon as they told my parents they would go to hell if they weren't saved they were kicked out of the house lol

btw-are parents didn't make us go to church after that lol

Holy Cow said... has more funny sayings on church or lets you make more custom church signs.